SORRY, KIDS. I'M NOT QUALIFIED TO BE A MOTHER.

Adoption felt like the right thing for us to do. It still does. 

It turns out, however, that I am not eligible to be an adoptive parent. Ironically, I am uncertifiable by reason of insanity.

I get it. I really do. I'm glad there are standards. Above all, every decision must be made in the best interest of the child. That's how it absolutely should be. 

          Sad, but not bitter,
          Hurt, without hate,
          God's plans are bigger.
          Trust Him and wait.

I'm praying for words right now, trying to channel a positive message that I know is hiding under yet another rejection. This is different than accepting the lack of interest I usually encounter. There's a boy out there, a boy I promised to love.

We have been blessed with 4 children and 2 grandchildren. These blessings continue to grow. Soon, we will have a 3rd grandchild, a son in law, a daughter in law and more. And that's just our little branch. There are so many I love. 

I am stressed by, and thankful for my family every single day. So thankful, I wanted to share it. I still do. 

Lots of you supported our efforts and I can't thank you enough. (Please send me your cookie requests and I'll happily bake my heart out. Don't be shy. My heart needs the work.)

Setting out on a mission has a way of filling me with hope, passion and purpose. I get all excited. I open my big mouth and tell people, even ask for help.I let the housecleaning fall aside, order pizza way too often, and drag my poor family through obstacle courses of mood born frenzy. All, in the name of purpose. 

Now I feel like I let everyone down and I'm sorry.

And I'm sorry, little boy. I can't be your mother. I still love you. I will still pray for you, cry for you, and wish for you. Maybe someday we will meet. Maybe not, but I hope so. 

There is more to purpose than my eyes could ever see. 

For now, I'm going to focus my mission on small acts, kind words, big faith, positive attitude, an open mind, sincere care and making dinner.

Thanks for reading.

May God bless you and the mission you rode in on.

Amen