Wham, Bam, Thank You Mammogram

I used to hate them. The two little nubs barely distorted the shape of my t-shirt in gym class, but they destroyed my posture throughout middle school. The boobies rooted themselves to my humiliation, adjusting my fashion sense toward layers and alienating all swimsuits. Hiding the baby turnips ruled my wardrobe.

They grew on me, however, and so sprouted a beautiful friendship. Sweaters that used to hang started to hug. The awkward bumps took a curve. My body didn’t seem to hate me anymore. My spuds became my buds.

The relationship wasn’t perfect. We endured pain, growth and embarrassing lactation through pregnancies and beyond as payment for the incomparable bonds we enjoyed in nursing our babies. A sour nightgown or two was worth that though.

The weight that joined us over the years proves more difficult to overlook. Their bra demands went from cute and sexy to industrial strength support. I’ve been “D” listed. Straps are the enemy. Underwires strike with vengeful jabs.

I’m ashamed to admit, there have been times when I dared to wish away my breasts. In fleeting moments, I have entertained the idea of a bounce free existence. Then I felt a lump. I made a phone call and the test was ordered.

I’ve had these tests before, but it’s different when you’re not just there for a routine check. Now, with the gown open in the front, my emotions are exposed. As I sit in the waiting room, I set aside the worst case scenario and imagine actually living without my breasts. I wonder if my husband will look at me like one of the guys, if he’ll still hold me close when we dance.

I think of my children. For years, their headaches and heartbreaks have landed in my maternal comfort zone. Each of them has rested a head on my chest more times than I could say. Worried or wearied, there have been times when a cuddle is the best I have to offer.

I remember being a new mother, again and again and again. Every time felt as special as the last. Sweet drops of memory fall from my eyes.

I hear my name. A technician leads me to his lair. The room is cold. I want to turn and run to a land where boobies run free. The machine scowls at me. I am at its mercy. I stand before the beast, humbled in its grip. My trembling doesn’t matter. Twist, lift, breathe, wait. My buds can’t take anymore. One more squeeze and it’s over. The beast is satisfied.

I return to the waiting room. They’re sorry. I’m sorry. I agree to forget the time a wire poked through my blouse at a job interview. They promise not to float to the top next time we’re in the hot tub. We decide to go to Victoria Secret’s on the way home. We deserve something pretty. A man comes in to talk to me.

“Mrs. Hansen, I’ve looked at your mammogram and found nothing.”
“I beg your pardon?” I couldn’t help rolling my shoulders back in pronouncement of my dear friends.
“Everything looks normal. You can get dressed.”

Alleluia.

The End

Resistance walks with honest praise,
Free will my doubt defines,
Faith allows a distant peace,
Truth by grand design.

Bound by my source of freedom,
I let go to hold on,
I hear my Savior calling,
At last, the time has come.

Carrie Jenkins
from Sane Enough to Know She’s Crazy
by: Ruth Hansen

Secret Me

The darkness is overwhelming,
Fear invades my soul.
The silence that surrounds me,
Loudly takes its toll.

War rages in my head,
Serenity is hard to find.
Spirits try to guide me,
This can’t just be my mind.

Tranquility is possible,
Peace will come some day.
If only they could understand,
Life gets in the way.

Carrie Jenkins
from
Sane Enough to Know She's Crazy
By Ruth Hansen

Reach

I feel your world spinning,
And see you holding on,
Steady through the dizziness,
Turning with each dawn.

You don’t have to let go,
To reach out for a friend,
Together we can balance,
Strength wills hand to hand.

Sway with me through good times,
And when trials dip our resolve,
Let’s dance through life’s journey,
Holding close as we revolve.

SHE DID IT!!!

I'm happy to report that, despite heavy winds, a 4 a.m. bus ride and a seemingly hereditary geographical impairment, Mom and I made it to New York City to walk for Ovarian Cancer. I'm even happier to report that the girl still has her groove! Proudly parading her recent health victory, Mom hauled her healthy cookies two miles from the Intrepid Museum, along the Hudson River, and right up the middle of Broadway to the finish line at Times Square! She didn't even stop at Starbuck's.

AND - with the generous generosity of generations of the genuinely genial generated- our fundraiser brought $522 to the OCRF!! I am as grateful as a beaver after a thunderstorm.

Overall, the walk raised $137,000 for the research fund. Sweet!

After walking, the stars appeared on stage. Oprah, Bette Midler, Gayle King, Dr. Oz and Jennifer Hudson had their say and received celebratory cupcakes. Alas, without a telescope they were difficult to see. I must admit, my astronomical geek high took a hit.

We ditched ;) Oprah early enough to see Paganini, a comically twisted string quartet. We chose the show blindly after an unsuccessful quest for a warm place to sit and it quickly became the highlight of our trip.

Yes, we shopped. No, we didn't find a cardboard cutout of Matt Lauer. Sadly, the Naked Cowboy didn't make an appearance either. Instead, Mom considered taking me up on a bet to apply for a job at Hooter's, but decided the commute would be a bit much.

As we hopped on the bus to go home, I prepared myself for a few quiet hours confined to a seat with nothing to do but think. Contemplated bliss, if you will.

The ride took me on a familiar journey to the mountain of blessings my life has seen. I am so thankful for the incredible support of family and friends that lifts me from many valleys. No matter how lost I get, there's always a way. Hot coffee on a chilly day is also a good perk, but it tastes just as good when you get it in your own kitchen. Fun and laughter help shield me from things that could otherwise blow me over.

"Welcome to Pennsylvania," I read from my window seat. I turned my head and smiled at the view inside the bus as yet another blessing shone. I thanked God for the truth the past year made sure I saw: stars that shine in the distance could never compare to the twinkle sleeping in the seat right next to me.

Happy Anniversary, Honey

A few years ago, an awkward redhead sat alone on the school bus thinking her life was complicated. She tapped her foot, trying to keep up with the Madonna song in her head.


When the dark haired senior class ruffian with the mustache plopped on the seat in front of her, "Crazy For You" still held her attention. The ruffian made small talk, asking how she liked her new home in the projects. Somehow, she accidentally agreed to go to the movies with him later that night.

Before driving her to the mall in his strangely shaped bright orange car to see Death Wish IV, he brought her home to meet his mother and a few billion neighbors. She thought it was cute when his mother made him dust the furniture before they left.


Charles Bronson and a theatre full of his fans didn't seem to mind when the ruffian's mustache tickled her awkward cheek. She, having spent the better half of her life submerged in a world of Barbie Dolls, decided she was in love. For a moment, she believed her life was perfect.


Perfect, however, was more complicated than she thought. They had to find a way to make everything easy. So, they got married...

Twenty two years later, she sits at their kitchen table in the middle of the night thinking about their life together. Searching for the perfect words to tell her husband how much she loves him, she stumbles on a memory.

She could say, "I love that I can call you -even though we had a fight- to tell you I'm stuck an hour away on the side of Interstate 81 with two kids and the car is on fire and I know that even though you're on the side of a creek fishin' you'll be there faster than a Domino's Pizza."


Neither of them really care much for country music though.


Through snore interrupted silence a beat tries to form. Something about it feels perfect. She wants to sing.

"Ed, I'm crazy for you."

And the winners are...

Autographed "I Wish You Enough" gift package: Ann Marie Mehem
Night at the Holiday Inn Express/ Hummelstown: Susan Dwyer
"For Every Home" $50 credit: Grace Lalonde
Royer's Flowers of Hershey $20 credit: Agnes Maroney
Autographed copy of "The Indwelling: The Beast Takes Posssession": Judy Lasiewicki

Local Prizes:

Lunch at the Chatterbox Cafe/ Razzles Ice Cream: Libby Ogden, Lisa Rodden
King Kone gift card: Ellah, Trey & Ocean Ogden

Thank you so much to all who participated!

Dedicated to YOU

Mercy

Thunder seized my world,
I prayed against the storm,
Dark clouds marred a blue sky,
Winds chilled my heart to mourn.

I begged the Lord for mercy,
With rain my spirits fell,
A flood of sorrow claimed me,
As lightning struck my will.

But from the muddy waters,
Where I sank down on my knees,
The miracle of Son Rise,
Preserved my soul in peace.

Though sheltered by His love,
Our lives may still get wet,
A fire warms within His place,
Salvation has been set.

PRIZE LIST

COOL PRIZES COULD BE YOURS!! Really.

Enter to win!! All those who make a donation to The Ovarian Cancer Research Fund through this Poetry and Motion fundraiser will be entered in the prize raffle!

Donations may be made here: www.lybl2010walk.com/ruthhansen

or here: Ruth Hansen
405 North Hanover Street
Hershey, PA 17033

Questions? ruththomashansen@aim.com
or (717) 982-3579

Here's what you can win...

* Autographed by author, Bob Perks, "I WISH YOU ENOUGH" book package

* A night at the Holiday Inn Express of Hummelstown

* $50 credit for For Every Home- soy candles, cubes & more

* $20 gift credit for Royers Flowers of Hershey

* Autographed copy of Left Behind Book #7, "The Indwelling: The Beast Takes Possession"

***************************LOCAL PRIZES**********************

* Lunch at the Chatterbox Cafe/ each $15 gift certificate also good for Razzles Old Fashioned Ice Cream Parlor

* $10 gift card for King Kone Creamery

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR YOUR HELP!! GOOD LUCK!!

Christian Thriller!

Win an original hardcover copy of Left Behind book # 7, The Indwelling: The Beast Takes Possession!!

This book is autographed by authors, Tim LaHaye & Jerry B. Jenkins.


To enter to win, please make any donation to our Poetry and Motion fundraiser for The Ovarian Cancer Research Fund. Donations may be made online through www.lybl2010walk.com/ruthhansen


or feel free to contact me:


email: ruththomashansen@aim.com


post: Ruth Hansen
405 North Hanover Street
Hershey, PA 17033


phone: (717) 982-3579

Thank You & Good Luck!!

Toddler Vision

Why does your face look like that?
I'm only having fun.
Now that I'm a big kid,
I'll show you how it's done.

We can go exploring,
This world is pretty cool.
There's lots of holes to stick things in,
And places we can drool.

Let's spin around in circles,
And run, and climb, and cheer!
Let's make noise, as loud as we can,
So everyone can hear.

Follow me, I'll teach you,
How to put away your toys.
Scattering is important,
We have to see each choice.

If you need to read a story,
Make room on your lap,
And maybe, if you're a good girl,
I'll let you take a nap.

Say it with flowers...

Win a $20 gift credit for Royer's Flowers of Hershey!

Raffle will be drawn next Friday, April 23.

To enter, please make a donation to the Ovarian Cancer Research Fund through this website: www.lybl2010walk.com/ruthhansen or through Ruth.

Questions may be commented on this blog or emailed to ruththomashansen@aim.com.


Thanks &
Good Luck!

More Local Prizes!!

There's always room for ice cream...Win a $10 gift card for King Kone Creamery!

Contest winners will be selected next Friday, April 23.

To enter, please make a donation to the Ovarian Cancer Research Fund through this website www.lybl2010walk.com/ruthhansen or through me (Ruth Hansen).

Question may be commented on this blog or emailed to ruththomashansen@aim.com.

Thanks &
Good Luck!

Precious

A fist full of dandelions,
In your favorite vase,
Kisses rich with cookie crumbs,
Planted on your face.

Warm sudsy splash times,
That always make you laugh,
Timeouts just to cuddle,
And make your soul relax.

Many priceless treasures,
That grow but never cease,
The blessings of a mother's days,
May yours forever be.

Today's Prize Announcement!!

Soy Candles, Cubes & more! Donated by Home Consultant, Libby Ogden. Winner receives $50 credit to spend on For Every Home merchandise. Great variety of scents and gift ideas!
Check out her website www.foreveryhome.net/libby


For contest information, please see post "So there's this contest..."

SHINE

A light above the water,
Current splashing at its base,
Strikes against the darkness,
Shining guidance in its grace.

Salty winds do not extinguish,
The radiance bestowed,
Nor does time allow a dim,
Or weakness to its glow.

Mom, you are my beacon,
My tower in the night,
You guide me through the waters,
You are my house of light.

Local Prizes!!

Lunch at the Chatter Box Cafe! Two winners will each receive a $15 gift certificate good for Roxy's Chatter Box Cafe (Certificates also good for Razzles Old Fashioned Ice Cream Parlor.)

Located on W. Main Street in Hummelstown, the Chatter Box has a variety of delicious soups, sandwiches and salads. Dine in and enjoy the nostalgia, or order to go.
For more information go to www.roxyschatterbox.com.

Yum!
Good luck!

Poems

I couldn't write a grandmother poem without thinking of my own Gramas. Below this poem I added something personal in their honor. I can only hope I did them justice. To all of those who shared/ knew them, I hope we share a smile as we remember.

GRANDMA

Grandma, I've seen pictures,

Of you in younger days,

Your hair a different color,

You dressed a different way.

I hear you speak of days gone by,

With a smile on your face,

Times I've seen through your eyes,

Could never be replaced.

But, if I may say, I like the gray,

You earned the look I know,

A testament of love well spread,

And the family you help grow.

*******************************************************************************

GRANDMA THOMAS

"Come and see me anytime,"

Gram would always say,

She'd fill our arms with homebaked goods,

And send us on our way.

"Be sure to bring my dishes back,"

She'd add as if to tease,

But we knew better than to forget,

'Cause she had a lot to feed.

A spunky little lady,

Devout wife and mother,

Grandparenting like a rich dessert,

Yet, always room to treat another.

She filled more than our bellies,

Shared beyond the recipes,

Love, laugh, life -with just enough spice,

Feast well, sweet memory.

I love you, Grama!

***************************************************************************

GRANDMA HUGHES

To say she smelled of Jean Nate,

Would be fair just to start,

But the air surrounding Grandma,

Came more from her heart.

Tender, yet protective,

Her life shared warmth and grace,

Blessings that still carry through,

The families she helped raise.

Checker games and gumdrops,

And safe walks past her dog,

Adventures on a city bus,

And peeks in her "tooth garage".

Small memories forever linger,

And with her love remain,

Seeds of our lives' flourishing,

And comforts of the same.

Love ya, Grama!

*********************************************************************************

Mom

For every time I needed you,

And you were there for me,

For all the little things you do,

You think I never see.

For every boo boo that you kissed,

And the comfort of your touch,

For seeing things that others missed,

And knowing when to watch.

Though simple words don't seem enough,

So much from you I've learned,

Thank you, Mom, for all your love,

A gift happily returned.

*********************************************************************************

SMILE

You smile just because I'm happy

And weep if I am sad,

You worry for me, just a bit too much,

Even when I make you mad.

You stand by me when I am right,

And guide me when I'm wrong,

Your words alone can lift me,

Your faith helps make me strong.

I love you, and I thank you,

For your precious care,

Your heart forever giving,

The beauty that you share.

Prize Announcement!!

Holiday Inn Express of Hershey has donated a One Night Stay! Located at 610 Walton Avenue, Hershey, PA, the Holiday Inn Express is just minutes from Hershey Park, the Hershey Medical Center, and tons of Harrisburg/ Hershey attractions (including our house ;) Winner may enjoy the hotel's indoor heated pool, on site fitness center, complimentary hot breakfast & more! Heck, maybe I'll even come over with a plate of cookies.

Good luck!

Please see contest post for information on how to enter.
************************************************************************************

Our first prize was donated by Bob Perks, the author of "I Wish You Enough!"

Winner receives a collection of items related to his new book. This includes a signed copy of the book, "I Wish You Enough!" Mug, T-shirt (white-extra large) and "I Wish You Enough!" tote bag. $44.00 value

Bob is a wonderful inspirational writer and speaker! To learn more about him, visit http://www.bobperks.com/

Thanks Bob!

Please see contest post for information on how to enter.

For Mom

This first poem is dedicated to my beautiful mother. I wrote it for her last summer when she was so sick. I am happy to report that she is doing quite well these days. Halleluiah!

Walk Together

Mommy, will you hold my hand?

This road is hard to cross.

Squeeze my fingers gently,

Remind me we're not lost.

You stood with me on countless curbs,

My steps safe in your care,

And when I started on my own,

Your touch was always there.

We can walk together still,

On your strength I stand,

Now let me be there for you,

Mommy, hold my hand.

So, there's this contest...

Hello friends!

Off to a great start. It's so much easier not to be shy online. I've handed my meak voice over to my crazy computer fingers and am ready to take some action.

On Mother's Day, May 9th, I'm going for a little walk with a very special lady. My mother and I are going to New York City to participate in Oprah Winfrey's Live Your Best Life Walk. As part of this participation, we are hosting a fundraiser to benefit the Ovarian Cancer Research Fund.

Everyone who makes a donation through our Poetry and Motion fundraiser may choose a homemade Mother's Day poem card as a thank you gift. In addition to the cards, donors will be entered in a raffle for cool prizes.

To enter:

1) Please go to www.lybl2010walk.com/ruthhansen and make a donation of any size. (Mail or in person is just as swell.)

2) Let me know which poem you would like and where to send it. Email is a great way to avoid the hug you'll probably get if you tell me in person. (Though I kind of like that part.)

ruththomashansen@aim.com I will send a confirmation email so you know I didn't drift off.

3) Some prizes are local, so there will be two drawings. If you are outside of the Hershey area, please remind me to put your name on the "Yeah, you should probably mail my prize," list.

Poems will be posted through Friday, April 16th. The first one to immediately follow in the next post.

Prizes are still in the works!!

Each will be individually showcased beginning Monday, April 12th. Winners will be chosen on or around April 23.

Thanks & Good Luck!

Ruthy

First Blog Post/ "Damn It!"

It's one of the dirtiest words I know. It's never funny or bold. It doesn't accidentally slip out when a person stubs a toe or when flashing red lights appear in the rearview mirror. I haven't heard it said by anyone just because he's angry or he thinks it's cool. Even slang speak won't go there. "Cancer" is a word nobody wants to say. It's a word nobody wants to hear.

Yet, we do.

Though I have been fortunate with my own health thus far, the obscenity of its presence is no stranger to my family.

Please excuse the use of foul language as I babystep into the world of public writing. There's a reason I'm toddling in on my weakest foot- I'm standing on my "cans".

I am blessed that I can look across the dinner table and see my husband. I can pick up the phone and call his mother, my father or my mother. I can read beautiful testimonies made by people I don't even know and be inspired. I can also remember those I love, those who have suffered, and know their days of pain are over.

The tears I've shed did not drown me, nor will they ever dry. Fate's gifts help me float, and I know I am far from alone. Drifting in a sea of trust, we rely on the flow of mercy that God promises.

When caught in the raging current, cling to the twigs of strength that bond us together- hope, love, faith. Take comfort in knowing mercy is coming. Twig by twig, cancer be damned.

Thanks for reading! Please check back tomorrow for details in the Poetry and Motion contest.

Peace to you,

Ruthy